Summoning my Inner Nerd

On Monday I will have my first class for my Master's program in Industrial/Organizational Psychology.  Back to being a student at last!

Summoning my inner nerd should not be too difficult.  I mean, I was the little girl hiding her huge glasses behind a book for much of my childhood.  And in college, I basically staked out my own little room, where I practically lived (at least when I wasn't busy playing rugby or incurring dorm damage fees during rugby parties...)  But it has been TEN YEARS since I've taken a test, or written a paper (I don't think I can count the online class I took as a pre-req for this program), or participated in class discussions.  I'm kind of terrified!

I had my orientation today, and although there is a large contingent of recent graduates in my "cohort" I am not the oldest member.  There is one person older than I am.  Yeah, that's right - just one.  And I think just one other who has a kid.  Everyone seems nice.  Do I expect to be spending my Friday and Saturday nights with a bunch of 22-year-olds?  Probably not.  When one of the girls asked me how people get home to the area of the city she and I live in after going clubbing downtown, I almost laughed.  By the time I moved to this city, at the ripe old age of 26, clubbing was no longer part of my vocabulary (except maybe during trips to Vegas).  But so far it seems like a good group.  Everyone seems to be enthused about the program, and shoot, the recent grads are way more mature than I was right after I graduated from college.  I had no idea what I wanted to be doing then, and can't imagine going straight into a graduate program.

I wasn't going to bring up my situation.  I figured there was no need, and it might be nice to not have to get into it, to just be another classmate.  But then my advisor had us go around and introduce ourselves, and why we chose the program, and I realized that I couldn't leave it out.  My hands were shaking anticipating what I would say, wondering if the floodgates would open.  I was the last to speak, and I just blurted it out, staring at the floor the whole time.  Unlike with other students, there was no banter with about my taste in books, the coolest place I've ever gone SCUBA diving, or whether bad things happen for a reason (this was in response to the girl next to me saying she came to the school after being laid off...)  I did try to lighten the mood by mentioning Max, and the therapy I have Maddy in, and Crossfit.  But then I felt like I came off looking a little heartless.  It was just a bit awkward.  However, when the whole class went to a bar after, it was a little easier to open up and talk to people about my deal.  And I'm glad it's out there, because now I realize it would have been way more awkward to not have mentioned it and have it come up later.