I spent a long weekend in Albuquerque visiting my brother and his girlfriend, along with Max and my parents. It was a wonderful, but exhausting, trip. Despite spending a lot of time waiting in lines (it was the first weekend of the Hot Air Balloon Festival, so lots of tourists!), and despite having a toddler, we did a ton of stuff. And I fell in love with the city and with the Southwest in general.
Flying with a toddler is exhausting! Even with 3 sets of arms and a while aisle to ourselves. I'm kind of dreading flying with him and no parents to help out. Max is a great traveler, despite being a bit of a wiggle worm, and the only real trouble was due to ear pain (poor guy!)
On Friday we went to a really nice neighborhood playground, visited my brother at the school where he teaches, and just hung around in their cool yard before an aborted dinner mission (at a hot spot that was just jam-packed due to the big weekend festivities) and a great take-out meal from Los Cuates (delicious red chili salsa - I brought a jar back from the grocery store!).
Saturday was supposed to be the Grand Ascension for the balloons. We got up at 5am, headed out to a park-n-ride location, and waited in line to get on a bus...drove up and found out that it had been cancelled due to winds. Waited on the bus for about an hour in a line of buses that weren't moving and weren't being told anything about what to do. Finally got off and decided to check out the scene...which was much akin to a crowded fair. At this point we ended up just getting back in line for the bus back. Which took forever due to an accident. But Max was thrilled to see helicopters and lots of buses, so he had a great time!
Next up was the Farmer's Market, while Max napped. OMG. What a treat that was! Gorgeous vegetables, and lots of fun New Mexican foods to sample. If only I'd had a larger suitcase! For my wonderful dog-sitters I got jars of bison meat sauce (sounds gross, looks awful, tastes like meat sauce heaven) and raspberry-red chili-ginger jam. Yum! Here are a couple pics of the signature red and green chilies, as well as ristras, the bunches of dried chilies that New Mexicans use as decor as well as flavoring (at least I think they do!)
Next was a field trip to a cool metal sculpture/vintage furniture store that my brother had discovered through their stall at a fair recently. The proprietor was this cool older gentleman who offered my dad a lower price on the piece he was purchasing without even being asked. He told some great stories and jokes, too.
I even fell in love with the grocery store, which is sort of a hybrid between Trader Joe's and Whole Foods, and features a lot of local offerings (like the chili salsa from Los Cuates and other local eateries).
After lunch, we headed over to the mountains to take a tram ride up Sandia Peak. Again, we found ourselves waiting in line with the other tourists whose balloon plans had been foiled by the wind. But the weather was gorgeous and even the views while waiting for our tram were worth the wait. The tram ride featured breathtaking views, as did the view from up top. Of course, waiting in line at the bottom meant...waiting in line at top! We basically waited for a couple hours to go get in line for another couple hours. But totally worth it. And with so many of us, we could have one person hold the spot in line while others checked out the vistas (and the view from line was spectacular itself!) Here are some pics from the trip:
And as if all of that weren't enough, we ended the day with a delicious dinner at a Latin Fusion restaurant. What a day!
Sunday, and the return trip, came all too soon. Before we left, we had one last amazing meal - breakfast of sourdough toast, green chili grits, and cheesy fried eggs. Yum!
It was great seeing my brother and Max together. They got along famously. Of course, seeing Max interact with any guy makes me just a bit sad - he and JP would have been such a pair by now. I am so sad and angry that we were all robbed of that special relationship.
And speaking of JP, I think that this trip came to be a bit of a turning point for me, or milestone anyway, in my journey through grief. I did dream about him once, but it was another disappointing dream - we were fighting about something and now I can't even remember the part of the dream that featured him, only the feeling of disappointment and missed opportunity when I awoke. We talked about him, of course. He would have loved Albuquerque. He might not have been so taken by the cute downtown and sort of Old(ish) West grittiness of the main strips (and the amazing display of neon lights at night!) But he would have loved the mountains for the hiking and skiing they would offer. Not to mention the food.
When we talked about him, I felt wistful, and sorry that he couldn't be there with us. But I didn't cry. For 4 straight days I didn't cry. This is the first time I have gone more than one day without crying since February 15. Or maybe I did cry, but it wasn't the kind of crying that I typically do at least once a day. It was just because that's what I do when I think of him oftentimes. It was tears of regret, not the heartbreak and desolation that I usually feel.
And it felt good to not be caught up in sorrow. I didn't feel like I was neglecting my grief, it was just nice to be doing something different. There is no JP-ness in Albuquerque for me other than what I carry in my heart and soul, and in the JP-ness that comes with my family, especially Max. And I started thinking that might be a good thing later on.
I fell in love with the city and the Southwest style. I could see us living there someday. The part of me that is afraid to leave Chicago - my support network, the life I shared with JP, etc. - is still strong, but there is another part of me waking up that recognizes that while he will always be a part of me, it could be a good thing to get a fresh start elsewhere. Who knows what the future will hold, and how I will feel about this in 2 years when the time comes to make a decision. I guess what I'm learning is that there might be more options to consider than I had previously assumed...
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